His hair was so good it had its own fan club on our Man Utd site. It was like a L'Oreal advert, except he wasn't worth it.

A bit like his hair they have a fan following. Actually it is pretty much the same fans as his hair.

Slower than a week of Mondays. If he was running in treacle you would be hard put to notice the difference.

Very good positional sense, which is lucky with his lack of pace.

Tall enough to allow his long flowing locks to be seen in all their glory.

His hair is just like lego hair. Not a good look even on a lego figure.

He has goat legs, very different and seemingly awkward, but they are goat legs and we all know what GOAT stands for.

Goat legs must be fairly quick, though not sure how he gets boots to fit on his hooves.

Positionally inept enough to get caught out and turned into a statue.

He is a short arse, despite (or maybe because of) the GOAT legs.