His seafood diet (see food, eat food) was legendary and kept him in great shape. The shape being round like a beach ball.

He did attempt to roll himself around the pitch but it was a struggle.

He achieved a few life goals, just never scored many on the pitch. He was the man who beat the Harry Ramsdens' challenge twice a night.

Actually had some decent skill, just lacked the fitness to show it off.

He could spot a burger from a mile away.

Certainly had a pie or two too many in his time.

Showed some excellent movement, just so long as it was just short movements.

One thing he did do was score goals, just so long as he did not have to run too far to get the ball in the first place.

Very skilful player, that is why he could score the goals, his technique was near flawless.

Excellent vision. He could lay it on a plate for team-mates. It was just a worry if they did the same for him, as he would just eat it if they did.