The only reason I have given him even one point is because at least he gets up, eventually, and tries his flicks and tricks again.

He is absolutely pathetic. Embarrassingly so. I am hard pressed to understand how he has made it so far with his attitude.

The only thing worse than his performance in XXX2 is his acting on the pitch. He makes Rivaldo seem honest.

Now this is a skill he has down pat. A slight brush is followed by him rolling half the length of the pitch, before stopping to check the ref is looking and then a little more rolling around if he is.

It is saying something, but his singing is worse than his acting. Despite the years of lessons while at Barcelona.

It may be a big girl's blouse but it is still braver than Neymar.

Put enough starch in it and it is very tough.

Can play a number of roles, as a top, blouse, shirt etc without missing a beat.

Like Neymar, it can roll around in a slight gust of wind. However, unlike Neymar, it tends to just flap about usually rather than rolling.

Totally silent, which is a big improvement over the drone that is Neymar's voice.